I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
