Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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