We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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