your thong is hanging out like whoa
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
