I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
