Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
