that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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