the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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