I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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