it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
