about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
