i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
