Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
