i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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