My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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