i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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