I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
