Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
