The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
