Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
