how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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