Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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