You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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