Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
