sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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