Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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