I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
