i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
