Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
