p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
