He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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