Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
