they need to just BURY HIM!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
