What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
