Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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