He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
