Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
