I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
