ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
3 2 1 whiskey
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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