she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
