dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
