Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
