you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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