I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
