i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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