kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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