Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
