she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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