its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I touched a dick in church today
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
