He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
