Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i've created a new STD.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
